Carer's Reprieve

But no reprieve for the one who needed it most!

June 2024

Summer. I’d been waiting all winter for this. Warm weather, how I loved it! At least, I thought I did. But today was awful. The sun beat down, heating up every particle of water in the air. And there was apparently a lot. The rainy season had only just started, but Summer had started a few weeks back.

summer + rain = humidity

Last year the rainy season ended before the fury of summer kicked in. But this year was different.

I looked around the room. I was running a dehumidifier and a fan, plus running two other dehumidifiers in the house. Four appliances.

This is ridiculous, I thought as I stood up, my clothing clinging to my sweaty body.

I turned them all off—the fan and the three dehumidifiers.

I reached for the air con remote and pressed the “dehumidify” setting, and set the temperature to 24 degrees.

Cool air blew out of the a/c and like I’d just solved a mind puzzle, I felt triumphant.

The a/c went on and it probably would’t be getting turned off until October!

I had held back from starting the a/c, feeling slightly guilty that I should put it on just for myself. The men were at work, kids at school and Okasan in hospital, so it was just me at home.

But having just me at home was an advantage. I wouldn’t be opening windows to let hot steamy air in. I wouldn’t be leaving doors open behind me as I rushed outside to play. The air con would actually be more effective with just me.

And if Aunty Yoko’s wisdom was right, running the a/c on the dehumidify setting 24/7 was far more economical than letting a house heat up and then using the cooling setting to bring down the temperate, even if it was just for a few hours.

Her summer electricity bills last year had proved this wisdom to be true, so I felt confident that we wouldn’t end up with a sore hip pocket!

Ahh, I was starting to feel human again!

And the house was so quite. It was so peaceful.

The tranquility❤️ Pic of a Lake Oshio. Rustiq filter used.

With Okasan in hospital, Bob had been far more settled, which in turn made the entire household more peaceful. I had also been more relaxed about cooking. I made food that we didn’t get to enjoy on a regular basis. Basic stuff like white potatoes or rice paper wraps. Even white rice. Foods that aren’t good for Okasan’s diabetes, ones that I usually don’t serve.

It wasn’t just the tight dietary requirements that I was getting a break from. It was many, small daily things.

I didn’t need to stress about putting washing on before Okasan did (it's always pot-luck whether detergent is added!).

I didn’t need to stress about the meal time (since she’s got diabetes she needs to eat at regular meal times).

I didn’t need to stress about leaving clothes in the bathroom (she will pick them up and A. think they are her’s and wear them, or B. wash them, wether they needed it or not.)

I didn’t need to stress about whether she had remembered to use dishwashing detergent when washing up (again, pot-luck!).

Ah it’s the little things in life!

I needed this break, more than I realised. My stress levels were, oh so slowly, coming down. My nervous system, oh so slowly, recovering from the load it had been under.

Even though things were humming along much better for me at home, my husband, Shujin on the other hand, had no reprieve.

He was worn out. Burnt out. Exhausted.

That night I looked at the small, bright red dot, forming on his nose. Again. Last few times Shujin had one he looked like Rudolf, especially when he had two. Aunty Umeko said it was herpes, from stress. No kidding! Totally overburdened, overworked, (underpaid!), and over stressed.

The aged-care centre had experienced a successful Health Retreat the previous month, and the idea of running regular health retreats to boost income was strongly considered, but in the end it just wasn’t going to work.

So we were back to, once again, looking at the last of the funds swishing around the bottom of the barrel. Shujin saw little hope, and admitted, he had little faith.

He also confessed he’d been having heart problems, stabbings in his chest. Sometimes his hand or leg tingled or lost sensation. Whenever he felt pain in his heart he would thump his fist on his chest to try ease it.

I didn’t feel his job was worth dying over and started to suggest it was time to quit.

“Yes, God gave you the job in the first place, and yes God hasn’t given you direct permission to leave, but He also hasn’t said not to! Maybe you’ve done your time, did what you were able, and could now quit?”

I wanted a husband, alive. Surely God wouldn’t be asking him to be a martyr in this situation??!!

I backpedaled a little and went on, “We really need to pray and be asking God what to do.”

Yes, I was supportive of him quitting, even with no other job lined up. But I also wanted to keep in God’s will, in His plan for our lives and for the aged care centre.

After dinner we had worship and talked with the children about Shujin’s situation.

“Just quit daddy!” was Bob’s cry.

“Well, we want to know what God’s plan is, and whether it’s time to quit or not,” I replied. “What sign shall we ask for?”

“Let’s pray that if someone else comes to take daddy’s job, then he can quit!” piped up Missy.

In my heart, I groaned. That was never going to happen!

The aged care facility that Shujin managed was an NPO (not-for-profit oganisation) and financially it was only staying afloat by miracles from God.

It had been set up under a bad business model and Shujin had slowly been working at changing things around, but it still wasn’t in a place where it was breaking even, let alone profiting so it could expand. No one in their right mind was going to come along and offer to manage it!

That night we prayed as a family, asking for God’s guidance, wanting to know what His plans were for Shujin, and us as a family. In my heart I prayed that, if he were to stay, God would give us the strength to endure, especially Shujin.

A few days later a friend phoned Shujin from Australia. Phone calls from him weren’t regular so it was kinda out of the blue. They had a nice catch-up, Shujin offloading about his work situation.

“Bro, you need to quit. That job ain’t worth dying over. There will always be someone who will come and take your place.”

As much as I wanted him to quit, I still wanted God’s guidance on the matter, but as for the rest of what he said, I wholeheartedly agreed! You aren’t indispensable, as much as you’d like to think you were!

My tune had started sounding like “just quit”, but I also didn’t want to be the devil’s advocate. What if it wasn’t God’s plan just yet? But now this friend’s advice came from left field… was it from God? Or was it not???

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When was a time that you weren’t sure which voice to follow? How did you choose?