When reality bites
But still clinging to hopes and dreams
October 2023
Autumn leaves crunched under foot as Missy and I joined the others on our walk to school. Apart from greetings, I didn’t usually talk much, since I was still so bad at Japanese… So it wouldn't have been a surprise to anyone that I was quiet, in my own world of thoughts...
Little did anyone know, that I was holding a secret. Secret dreams and hopes. Like a mother-to-be, growing a tiny human in her womb before the announcement, I was silently growing hopes and dreams of a new house. A house that could be a home for just the four of us: my husband - Shujin, my 2 children - Bob and Missy, and myself.
I would still care for Okasan. We would still be close, but have our own space. Something that all of us really needed.
We approached the Prayer House and as we walked passed, I looked.
There's no way we'll end up taking it.
Soooooo much work.
After dropping Missy at school and chatting with Kiyo, I began the walk home, alone. The solitude was an invitation for imagination and my brain was in overdrive, dreaming about how I would renovate the Prayer House…
Not just add a fireplace, but I’d knock a hole in the living room wall and put a double doorway between the living room and the spare room, installing shoji doors so that we could either open up the living room, or close the shoji doors to give privacy to the spare room.
I’d love to expand the kitchen outwards. It would mean building an external wall, but how much nicer it would be to have a normal size kitchen! And the yard, it’s almost a blank canvas and basically flat. A vegetable garden would go at the back of the house where it got the best sun. We could put a deck on the southern side of the house, out from the living room, could even extend it to go in front of the main bedroom and wrap around it. Oh the dreams!
My phone rang. It was Shujin. Okasan had lost her Singapore shirt, again! And just like that, reality hit. The thief came to steal my dreams. Darkness came in and I gave myself a reality check: can we really do this? Can we really leave Okasan in her own house (with Masato, Shujin’s brother) and we live in another? God, is this even possible?
Whilst in Australia just a few weeks ago, Shujin took Okasan to the doctor for her regular check-up and her blood levels were too high. She needed to go on medication for her diabetes. I was devastated. All that hard work!! All those hard yards I’d put in for almost 12 months to feed her well to keep her off meds, and just a few weeks of me gone and, BAM! It was all undone.
Upon returning to Japan, however, I quickly discovered how much stress reduction her medication gave me. Okasan was reaching for seconds of potatoes when she’s already had her carb quota? Oh well, the meds will smooth it over. Okasan wants fruit for lunch, but she had her fruit quota at breakfast? Oh well, the meds will smooth it over.
Practicing the “just let it go” wasn’t always easy, but even so, not having to agonize over every meal felt very good! Being relaxed and not having to keep an eagle-eye did wonders for my own mental health!
Caring for his mum for three weeks (while the kids and I were in Australia) whilst also working full time was surely a big ask, (no wonder she went on meds!) but Shujin fast learnt coping mechanisms. Cue to centre stage: the AirTag (Spotlights ON! Cue “Hallelujah Chorus”. Pop the confetti! Audience gives a standing ovation!)
Seriously, what a brilliant invention. I’d spent the last nearly 12 months looking for Okasan’s pink purse nearly every time we left the house. Sometimes we just couldn’t find it and we’d hope that it had been left at church, or was in Shujin’s car, or somewhere we’d recently been, and hopefully safe!
Now it was trackable. With the AirTag on her purse, Shujin could just check the app and know its whereabouts. He also put one on Okasan’s car key (another “Hallelujah chorus”!). And he also tagged a granny at work! (Don’t worry, the lady’s son approved!)
Now if only we could have tagged that Singapore shirt…! It was lost. We turned her room upside down looking for it, but neither Shujin nor myself could find it. It had been safely hidden away, to keep it out of hands reach from the “jealous shirt thief who wanted to burry it under a tree outside.” (Haha!! That still makes me laugh! Read that story here.)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Shujin told Okasan about the Prayer House. Nothing was a secret in this house! It was no big deal in the end, but I guess I didn’t want to tell Okasan or the kids unless it was going ahead... As it turned out, we organised an inspection for the weekend, so the kids would surely have found out anyway and would want to come with us. Oh well! We’ll just have to deal with it!
In the meantime, we received the latest Village Newsletter and it had a list of houses that were for sale. Okasan was excitedly looking at the list with Shujin and finding them on the map. She seemed to take everything really well. But later, Shujin told me that his mum didn’t want us to move out. Shujin reassured her, that if we moved out then she could get her stuff back that we took to her sister’s and to his workplace: her sofa, small organ, massage chair and even her sauna. But she didn’t care for those things. She wanted us to stay. She said she’d be lonely if we moved out. Never mind that her son, Masato, is still going to be living with her!
There was a conflict of emotions on my part. I felt like rolling my eyes. Honestly, we’d only be just six doors down the street at worst! At best, right next door (still hoping for the possibility of buying the house next door!). We would see her every day! She would eat three meals a day with us (and I’d give her meds to her).
And then I felt gratitude. I felt grateful that she was happy with us being in her home, despite how horrible my children sometimes treated her, and despite everything she had to share and sacrifice, everything she had to put up with. She still wanted us. I was grateful for that.
I didn’t know what the future held in regards to our housing situation, but I was praying to God that it would be us in our own place! But if not, I was trusting God that He would help me cope and survive in our house-built-for-two that really felt like a shoebox!
What gimmicks have been life-changing for you?
When in a difficult situation, do you trust that God will provide the best outcome?
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I can feel the worries ! My mother lives on her own despite her mobility and her head are not as good as before, I live in another country. Every time I could not reach her on the phone (and it is very often, as she is not tech savvy and often does not even hear the phone) I worried and could not give it a rest.
Since beginning of this year I bought a armband which monitors some of her vitals and can send an automatic alarm if she falls on the floor and/or she does not move. The armband does not tell me what happened, but it still changed my life: if no alarm is active, I can relax when she does not answer the phone knowing that there is nothing wrong.
ahaha the Singapore shirt! you're so kind with okasan